Sabtu, 24 Mei 2008

condoms and lubricant guids

What do you call the guy who’s always there for you, who always watches your back, and who makes a great wingman? No, not Larry from accounting. We’re talking about a real friend: the condom, raincoat, rubber, dick sock, love glove . . . Whatever he goes by, night after night of good, bad, or mind-blowing sex, your buddy the prophylactic goes to bat for you, with an average of 98% effectiveness at preventing pregnancy and, unlike other contraceptives, protection against STDs and HIV/AIDS. That’s a good friend. But not every is right for every situation, so before you slide one on, make sure you pick the right one . . .

For the couple that can’t get enough
Try Durex Pleasure Max Tingling.
Ribbed and studded with a spearmint tingling lubricant. Think Tiger Balm meets Vicks—but in a good way.

For reigniting the fire
Try Trojan Vibrating Ring and Condom.
Battery operated and designed to get both of you off—for up to twenty minutes. Note: Once it’s out of juice, there’s no plugging it back in. Plan for alternative pleasuring.

For when your lady hasn’t “finished” in a long while
Try Trojan Her Pleasure.
With ridges in place especially for her, she’ll be convulsing with pleasure once you’re done with her.

For the anaconda
Try Kimono Micro Thin Large
The name may sound oxymoronic—“thin large”—but this is a condom for well-endowed guys who don’t want to lose circulation but still want plenty of sensation.

For the less blessed
Try Lifestyle Snugger Fit
When condom slippage is an issue, this one stays on tight—but still offers room at the head for added friction

For a G spot orgasm that will have her climbing up the walls.
Try Inspiral
This rubber’s unique twisted shape increases friction for explosive orgasms. When has she ever begged for you to put on a condom?

For the sensitive user
Try Durex Avanti Super Thin
If you are allergic to latex or like to use massage oil in foreplay, this polyurethane condom is a great alternative.

For the one-night stand
Try Crown
The booty-call condom that’s thin enough to feel every pulse of your lady. The strongest, most reliable cap for the all-nighter man.

Rules of the Rubber
When it comes to STDs and unplanned pregnancies, most mistakes are made because of incorrect condom use. Obviously, in the heat of the moment, it’s difficult to think with your head—well, the one above your waist. But in order to get the most bang for your buck, you have to abide by a few simple guidelines.

* Storage—Yes, keeping one in your wallet is very responsible of you, but its not advised to store condoms in warm places or under pressure, such as in your back pockets. Keep condoms bedside in a cool, dry case out of direct sunlight.

* Look for tears—Most rips occur when you shred the condom’s packaging. Before you tear in to it, make sure the package is sealed tight—you can test this by squeezing and checking for a pocket of air. Whatever you do, don’t open it with your teeth, no matter how badly you want to.

* Lubricant—Use only water-based lubricants with latex condoms. Avoid oil-based lubricants such as petroleum jelly, massage oils, and body lotions. Note: Lube up your penis before you put on the condom. It makes the sucker last longer and makes for a more enjoyable ride.

* The right fit—The condom’s latex should be secure at the base of the penis. It needs to be snug, but not so tight that it cuts off circulation. It should unroll completely and be as close to the body as possible. For the perfect fit, try a company like Condomania, which offers customized condoms for all lengths and girths.

* Timing—Put on any condom as soon as you get erect and before there is any sex play. Pre-ejaculatory fluid can carry HIV and other STDs. That means no playing Just the Tip.

* Slide it on—Before you unroll, check that the condom is not inside out. It should look like a mini sombrero with the reservoir tip pointing up. Pinch the tip as you roll the condom ring down the shaft, making sure there aren’t any air bubbles that could cause breakage later.

* Check, then double-check—Make sure it’s still secure on your penis during a thrust by checking for the rim. Also, if it suddenly feels surprisingly like there is no condom, there might not be (even though it’s really rare).

* Pulling out—Hold your johnson and the condom at the base, keeping the tip downward so no bodily fluids leak out. Then move away from your partner just in case there’s a spill.

* Disposal—Take the condom off before you lose your erection—or else things can get really messy. Tie it like you would a balloon, wrap it in a tissue, and throw it away in a trash can, not in the toilet, unless you want a plumbing emergency. Note: Always use discretion. No girl wants to peel your used condom off the floor of her bedroom the next day.

* Don’t be a cheap-ass—Always use a new condom for every act. That means unwrapping a new one when you’re switching up orifices and, if it’s really your lucky night, from partner to partner. mensfitness.com

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Jumat, 02 Mei 2008

singkatan seks, nakal , binal

INTELEK = Intip Tetek Langsung Melek
Gatsby=gatal2 skitar biji
LOL haha : lonte lima tahun.
CIBINONG : 1. ceile, bijinya nongol !!.
2. ciuman bibir monyong.
cuti = cuci ti**t
GPL= gak pakai lama
BMW = body menipu wajah
senior = senang istri orang



A:
--

AC : adegan cinta.
ADIDAS : aqiu (IQ) di bawah dasar.
all day i dream about sex
AGRESIP : agak grepe tapi sip (grepe=cewek murahan).
AGUS : agak gundul sedikit.
ANCEMON : anti cewek montok.
ANDA : aku naksir dia.
ANNGUN : anggota Ragunan.
ANTIK : anak tikungan.
ANUGERAH :" anunya" gerah.
APIK : agak pikun.
ARDATH : aku rela ditiduri asal tidak hamil.
ASBUN : asal bunyi.
ASEM : asal semarang.
ANKER BIR : Anak Kera Birahi


B:
--

BAJAJ : 1.Barisan jawa jelek.
2.Banci jarang jajan.
3.Bawalah aku jalan-jalan.
4.Babu jatah ayah.

BALOLA : barisan lonte lanang.
BANDREK : bandar perek.(perek = perempuan eksperimen -singk.)
BAPET : babi ngepet (umpatan).
BARGAS : barang gasakan.
BATIK : bangsa tikus (makian terhadap koruptor).
BEKEN : bekas kenek.
BENCI : benar-benar cinta.
BERAK : berita aktual.
BIMA : bini muda.
BIRAK : birahi kuda.
BISUL : bijaksana dan unggul.
BITEL : biji gatel !.
BIOLA : Biji Ngondoy Sebelah
BODO : bosan tapi doyan.
BOLJUG : boleh juga.
BONANG : cabo lanang.
BOTOL : bodoh dan tolol.
BOS : bekas orang sinting.
BP7 : bapak pergi pagi pulang petang penghasilan pas-pasan.
BS : bayar sendiri-sendiri (Dutch-treat).
BTL : batak tembak langsung.
BUDI : budek dikit.
BULAP : bujang lapuk.
BUTET : Buduk berentet
BBUNHOW : Bujangan Homo


C:
---

CABO : 1.Calon bokin (calon istri).
2.Cabe mudo (orang minangkabau)
CABI : Calon Babi
CABAI : Calon Babi Imut
CACAT : Calon CAntik

CAKIL : cabo kecil.
CAMER : calon mertua.
CANTIK : cabo antik.
CARI : cewek antik rada tuli.
CARMUL : cari muka.
CEBRES : cewek berengsek.
CENGDEM : seceng adem. ( kaca mata hitam :dengan uang seribu
mata bisa adem )
CHICAGO : cikini-kali pasar-gondangdia lama.
CIBINONG : 1. ceile, bijinya nongol !!.
2. ciuman bibir monyong.
CIBONG : Cendol Ijo bagi Donk

CICA : ciri-ciri cabo.
CINTA : 1.ciuman indah tiada taranya.
2.licin dan rata.

COCA COLA: cowok cakep cowok idola.
COKREM : cowok krempeng.


D:
---

DALONKA : pemuda calon neraka.
DJARUM :1.demi janda aku rela untuk mati.
2.janda ranum.
DJARUM SUPER: jarang dirumah,suka perawan.
Dra : dirumah aja.
Drs :1.dirumah saja.
2.duda rada suwe (duda sudah lama).
DULAP : dunia gelap.


E:
---

EBONI : Ee, botak ni ye..
EKOR : ente korban narkotik.
ELVI : elemen vital.



F:
----

FANTA : fanatik tapi agresip.


G :
-----

GAJAH : gatel jahil.
GABILETONG : Garuk Biji Lewat Kantong
GALATAMA : galak tapi manis.
GALI : gang anak liar.
GALINDRA : gadis lincah dara ayu.
GELISAH : geli-geli basah.
GEMBEL : gemar belajar.
GEMAS : geli-geli-cemas.
GEMES : 1.genit-genit mesra.
2.gemar mesum.
GENTA : gencatan cinta.
GEPENG : gelandangan dan pengemis.
GERMO : seger dan montok.
GERSANG : seger dan merangsang.
GINO : gigi nongol.
GITO : gigi tonggos.
GONGLI : bagong lieur (bahasa sunda erek,cewek bandel ).
GR : gede rasa , sombong.
GUNDIK : gundul dikit.



H :
---

HALUS : paha mulus.
HONDAKEP : honda kekep ( ojeg ).
HUT : hanya untuk cinta.
IBM : ikatan babu menteng.
JABOTABEK: jawa bodoh tapi beken.
JADEL : jawa deli.
JAGORAWI : jawa bego raja betawi.
JAKON : jawa kontrak (=jadel).
JAHAT : jatuh hati.
JANDA : jawa sunda.
JATCIN : jatuh cinta.
JEPANG : jerawat panggilan.
JERMAN : 1. jejer kauman.
2. Jejeran Matraman
JET-SET : jelek-jelek tapi setil (gaya).
JI-SAM-SOE: jiwaku sampai surga.
JJS : jalan-jalan sore.
JS : jarum super.


I
--
INTELEK = Intip Tetek Langsung Melek

INOVASI = Indah Naik Onta, Vivi Angkut Si INdah

IKLAN = Ih... Kamu LAngsung Netek...

IBLIS = Intip Burung Lu Inget Semalem


K :
----

KANKER : kantong kering. (tak berduit ).
KANSAS : kami anak negara siap akan stone.
KASAR : suka nyasar.
KASNO : bekas cino.
KASUR : neraka dan surga.
KEJAR : kelompok belajar.
KEMPOT : kerempeng tapi pakai otak.
KERE : kelompok remaja.
KESEL : keki selalu.
KOMIK : korban minuman keras.
KOMISI : korupsi resmi saat ini.
KONDOM : konsultan domestik.
KRIBO : keriting cabo.
KUBOTA : kumpulan kepala botak.
KUDU : kurang duit.
KUHP : kasih uang habis perkara.
KUMBO : kumpul kebo.
KUMPUL KEBO: kumpul kepala botak.
KUPER : kurang pergaulan.
KURSAM : kurang sambutan.
KUTILANG DARAT : kurus,tinggi,langsing,dada rata.


L :
----


LANCER : lantaran alat negara korupsi ekonomi rusak.
LIAR : sekali kelar.
LM : lintas melawai (tempat majang di blok M,Jakarta).




M :
----


MACAN : manis cantik.
MADESU : masa depan suram.
MALAGA : manusia lapar ganja.
MALARINDU TROPIKANGEN: malaria tropicana rindu kangen.
MALPINAS : malu-malu tapi ganas.
MANJA : mandi jarang.
MAZDA-CAPELLA: masih muda kagak perawan lagi.
MBA : memble aje.
MEMPERSONA: membuat pemandangan sore merana.
MERSI : pamer gusi.
MERTUA : mercy tukar anak.
MPO : menarik perhatian orang (berlagak).
MPRS : mesra penuh rasa sayang.
MISBAR : gerimis bubar ( sebutan bioskop klas kambing ).
MONALISA : monyet nangkring lihat saya.
MUKSIN : muka sinting.



N :
-----


NADI : nafsu pribadi.
NELI : nenek lincah.



O :
----

OMES : otak mesum.
ORGIL : orang gila.
ORKAY : orang kaya.
ORTU : orang tua.



P :
----

PAHAT : pacaran sehat.
PANGLING : tampang maling.
PANGROCK :1. tampang jorok.
2. siang nampang,malam dikerok.
PASGET : pasar kaget.
PBB : persatuan babu-babu.
PEGAWE : penderita gawat encok.
PEGEL : pengusaha golongan ekonomi lemah.
PEJABAT : peranakan jawa-batak.
PEJAMBON : persatuan jawa-ambon.
PELTU : nempel metu (keluar).
PENA : penuh persona.
PENGUSAHA: pengangguran saban hari.
PENTIL KECAKOT: penjaga tilpun kecamatan kota.
PENTING : pendek bertingkah.
PERBAMA : perhimpunan botak agak mengkilap.
PEREK : perempuan eksperimen.
PERKASA : perkara kimpoi sangat antusias.
PESTA : tipis-tipis tapi rata.
PHK : putus hubungan kekasih.
PIKTOR : papi kolot.
PKI : perawan ketek item.
POCI : potongan cina.
PORKAS : putar otak rencana kaya akhirnya sengsara.
PORTUGAL : persatuan orang tua gatal.
PRATU : perawan tua.
PT : perawan ting-ting.
PUJA KESUMA: putra jawa kelahiran Sumatera.
PUJASERA : pusat jajan serba ada.



R :
----


RAGI : rada gila.
RAMAH : rajin menjamah.
RAPI : rahasia pribadi.
RAWAN : rahasia wanita.
RELATIP : karena lelaki hatiku pilu.
REMAKO : remaja kolot.
ROMANTIS : rokok-makan gratis.
ROMUSA : roman muka sadis.
RRC : rambu-rambu cinta.
RRT : racun rumah tangga.



S :
----


SABARA : satu batang rame-rame.
SAGITARIUS: sadis,gila, dan misterius.
SAKURA : satu kutang rame-rame.
SALOME : satu lobang rame-rame.
SALOBANG : asal lobang.
SALTING : salah tingkah.
SAPU : salah pungut.
SARA : satu ranjang.
SARKON : sarung kontol (kondom).
SARPIN : sarap tapi pinter.
SASA : sama-sama sayang.
SEBEL : senang betul.
SEDENGKUL: sedeng dirangkul.
SELANGIT : selangkangan item.
SELARAS : semakin laku keras.
SEMAMPAI : semeter pun tak sampai.
SEMEKOT : semeter kotor.
SEMEN CIBINONG : sementara cium bijinya nongol.
SENDA : senang janda.
SENDU : senang duit.
SERASI : seperti kera sinting.
SERSAN : serius tapi santai.
SETIR : selalu dipuntir.
SGM : sinting gila miring.
SH : susah hidup.
SIKON : situasi dan kondisi.
SIM : surat izin menginap.
SIMPATIK : simpanse pakai batik.
SMA : sudah makan angkat.
SMC : sudah makan cabut.
SMP : sudah makan pulang.
SKP : sudah kenyang pulang.
STMJ : susu telor madu jahe.
SUGENG : susu ageng (besar).
SUKAR : susu mekar.
SULIT : susu alit (kecil).
SUNDEL : sunda deli.
SUPEL : suka pelit.
SUSUKI : sungguh-sungguh lelaki.


T :
----


TANGIR : tante girang.
TAPOL : tahu polos.
TATAPAN : tanpa tali tanpa peniti asal nyangkut.
TEGAS : tergila-gila asmara.
TEH BOTOL: tehnokrat bodoh dan tolol.
TELERAMA : teler lantaran asmara.
TELMI : telat mikir.
TERNAK : pinter sejenak.
TKW : tak kenal wanita.
TONGPES : kantong kempes (=kanker).
TST : tahu sama tahu.
TURBO : turunan bokek.
TURKI : turunan kidul.


W :
----


WAKUNCAR : 1.waktu kurang pacar.
2.wajib kunjung pacar.
WARKOP : warung kopi.
WARTEG : warung Tegal.
WISMILAK : waktu istri sedang menstruasi ingatlah lelaki akan kebutuhannya.


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